Welcome back! Thanks for joining me for Part 6 while I ramble about my life & my beliefs!
Id like to take a just a minute to speak about my philosophy on life & death. I definitely don’t know everything or have all the answers. I’m not sure I have any answers. I hope I don’t sound all high & mighty while writing this, but these are my thoughts… Most people fear & dread death. This is usually natural for most. One thing that does bother me about dying is that I will cease to experience all of the Earthy things that I enjoy & people who I enjoy being around. Another thing that bothers me, is the mental stress that it may cause family, friends, or anyone that knows me. Other than that, I don’t really fear death. I will try my best to avoid it as long as possible, but I don’t fear it terribly. Even though I’ve experienced a lot of tough times, I have also experienced great things & joy. I have experienced true love & love in various forms. These may be things many others may never get to experience, & so I am grateful. I think if you always concentrate on wanting things that you don’t have, you will never have enough. It’s good to stop a sec from time to time & be grateful of what you do have.
I’ve lived my life how I wanted to live my life. Even just up to this point, I’ve lived longer than many others have. I’m grateful for my friends, family, & every joy that I’ve ever experienced. If I were to die in the next 5 minutes, I would be happy with my life. I definitely have not always thought this way, but over the years I have conditioned my mind to be generally more positive. Maybe its just a part of maturing as death gets ever closer. As I have become a more positive thinker, & gotten away from some negative people, thoughts, & situations… life itself has gotten better. Almost as if I have the ability to control reality with my mind. Keep your face to the sunshine & you can never see a shadow. The only time you truly fail is when you fall down & stay down. With everything that has happened to me, I realized that I can either feel sorry for myself & sulk about it, creating even more negativity & stress. Or I can treat what has happened as an opportunity to grow… As opposed to letting it be an obstacle that keeps me from growing. I get to choose. I try my best, but of course I falter here & there. We all have mountains to climb.
I really don’t desire riches, fame, or any of these extravagant things. What I desire is to enjoy myself as much as I can. Squeeze as much joy out of life as you can. It really is a miracle for all of these sensitive conditions to come together in harmony to give you a life. Every condition that the Earth needs to support life. Every vital organ that was formed & continues to function to support your life. There are many things that must be in place for you to have a life here on Earth. It’s impossible to have positivity on your mind every waking moment. But at least sometimes, try to take time to stop & enjoy a soothing deep breath of air. Maybe admire nature, or scenery, or loved ones that are around you. Maybe admire the sky & the stars. These beautiful things exist & were formed on this huge body of water & rock, orbiting around somewhere in the vastness of infinite space… Were alive because these perfect conditions maintain for life to exist.
Lately for some reason, the Tim McGraw song “Humble & Kind” has been in my head. But I like it, because it helps me to check myself, if I start to think or act like a douche. I sometimes think to myself, “Always be humble & kind”. I’m lucky enough to endure my hardships so that I can recognise & enjoy the good things even more. Without the bad things, there can be no good. You must have the darkness to see the light. Yin & Yang. This is the balance of the universe. Without death, life would have little meaning. I also consider accepting death to be honorable in a way. Without death, humans would quickly overpopulate causing unthinkable problems. Your death makes way for a new life to exist. You get to pass the torch so that you don’t have to carry it all the time. Now your children, or some new life can run with it.
Ok. I can’t help but think that ive left some of my thoughts out, but I think I’ve rambled & spoken on some of my philosophies enough. I’ll talk about my religious views & what I think of the “afterlife” later. Let’s get back to my story… 1992… 7th grade… ghetto… I started to hang out with Jason even more, almost exclusively. I think there’s many reasons why we meshed well. He also lived a hard childhood. He lived with a handful of his relatives in an old house. I wont go into much detail, out of respect for their privacy, but they were just as bad off as I was. Which was BAD. Even worse in a few ways. So on top of our video game, movie, art, & other interests, we had that in common.
Jason’s Granny used to make a mean sweet tea & chocolate pancakes. The first time she made them, I didn’t understand how she made the chocolate. I didn’t know you could just make chocolate! Man, in the winter she kept a few rooms in the house hot as Hell. I mean deathly flaming HOT! I swear stuff in the room was melting. Jason’s Granny would let me spend the night a lot. We would stay up late playing games & hanging out. Jason introduced me to the Night of the Living Dead movie, which is one of my favorite horror movies of all time. Jason’s Granny would go on late night Taco Bell runs. My Mom & step Dad never went anywhere late or even stayed up late. It was great.
We would hang out with his cousins some too, who I later got a little closer to. His brothers were really young at this point, runnin around dirty faced, talkin gibberish. His sister was older than Jason. His Uncle George was awesome. George was also into video games. He had a NES with a ton of games. I’m not sure whose they were but there was a Sega Genesis floating around a little & later Jason’s Dad bought him a SNES. Pretty sure Jason had one before me but I can’t completely recall. After awhile, & after lots of pleading… Through some stroke of luck, my Grandma was able to sell my NES & upgrade me to a SNES. This started a long tradition of me having to sell my old systems to afford a new one.
Man, I was so excited of course. I wore Super Mario World OUT. The game was huge & had secret levels. I beat every single level many times. For me, this was a great age for Nintendo. Maybe the best Nintendo era in my opinion. For the next 3 years or so, I would wear the SNES out. During these times, time passed by slower. A year felt like forever. Nowadays, a week feels about as long as a day did back then. If that makes sense. Actual time used to pass by slower. Anyway, I had to rent most of my games at first. Them suckers were something like $74 new! I remember renting Super Castlevania IV which was on another level. I started to get big & old enough to make a little more money doing harder chores to save & get games.
Some time passed & we were still going to arcades to play Mortal Kombat. Finally it came home to consoles. I still remember the corny TV commercials. Kids running through the streets yelling Mortal Kombat. I was so hyped. In celebration, I ran outside to mimmick them on the street. Mortal Monday they called it. Cody got it for Super Nintendo & soon Jason got it on Sega Genesis. I pleaded with my Grandma to buy it for me, but I had to wait. It was constantly checked out of rental stores. SNES had the larger characters & better sound. I also liked the SNES controls better… but it had no blood & it had neutered fatalities. Sega Genesis had blood & full gory fatalities with the use of a secret code. I still remember them. I burned them into my brain & soul. DULLARD & ABACAB. It was hard for me to decide which system was better. I still loved the game, but I was a tad disappointed with Segas pingy sound, tiny characters, worse character endings, & uglier graphics… but Sega had the blood & gore on point. A lot of people considered the Sega version to be better since they didn’t censor it. Well they did, but the blood codes quickly spread like wildfire.
For awhile I would only get to play MK (Mortal Kombat) at Jason’s & Cody’s house. At this point we still had a house phone & would even call them & just listen to them play it! The desire was real. Speaking of desire, lets talk about how we lost our house phone. It was right around this time of my life actually. I was a teenager & so I started to get “interested” in girls… Well late one night a commercial came on about some naughty hotline. The next day My Mom & step Dad left to go shopping or something. Being a mischievous teenager… I called the hotline on our ancient yellowish tan rotary phone. You had to stick your finger in, turn the dial, & listen to these little clicking noises. I didn’t know what the Hell I was doing calling this number, but it was fun adventurous mischief.
I remember choosing the option to bill it to the phone bill (like an idiot). I remember a lady coming on the phone. She asked my age & so I told them my real age, Doh! She said I wasnt old enough & she hung up on me. Ok. Lesson learned. I did the math, thought about a good age to tell them, & called them back. She asked my age, I awkwardly gave her the fake age, & boom I was in. She asked where I was from & I replied “Texas”. I remember her asking if everything was bigger in Texas? I didn’t quite catch on, so I replied, “I guess so”. She was carrying the conversation completely. I was nervous & was wondering, what do I do now? She would ask a sexual related question & I would answer awkwardly. I can’t remember the whole conversation, but after telling her what I was wearing & what I was doing (standing in the kitchen fully clothed)… the conversation took an exciting turn. I spent about 40 minutes talking to her about Mortal Kombat. She would moan & sounded really interested. She was all about some Mortal Kombat & kept asking questions about it. She didn’t want me to get off the phone! Finally, I was like, Lady I don’t know what else to say about Mortal Kombat. I’m gonna go do somethin else now.
Well… About a month later the phone bill came in… Mom sat me down & asked me if I called & charged any strange numbers to the phone bill. Of course I didn’t, I don’t know what she was talking about. Well being as strange & paranoid as she is, she concluded that our weird neighbor must have jacked into our phone line to call naughty numbers. I was ok with this conclusion & went on about my day. Well it turns out the bill was so high, our phone got cut off… never to be turned on again… (sigh)