*(READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED! BEWARE COLORFUL LANGUAGE & ECT. I will be typing this how I freely talk when I don’t have to behave. lol)
Ok, so… I’m new at this blog stuff. Please bear with me (or is it bare with me?) as I stumble about. For some reason I felt compelled to write/record my life story via blog format. My name is Rob, aka RobXombie in my little online geek circles. For the first time ever, I will open up here & share some of my most personal life experiences. I’ll have to refrain from posting anything personal that might piss off my family & friends though. I will also open up on my opinions about religion & other sensitive issues. I dont mean this to be a sob story, or a success story, or a love story, or anything other than my perception of my life…
If I were to attempt to sum myself up, I would say that I am primarily an open-minded gamer geek Texan, that has lived a pretty eclectic life. I started playing video games from a young age & they have helped me through a lot of hard times my whole life. It’s ingrained into a part of me so I classify myself as a Gamer Geek. But I am also much more than that. I’m an independant adult geek. I’ve been out on my own since the age of 18. My life has endured deep low points & high high points. …If that makes sense. I feel like even some friends & family don’t know many details about my life or may not have a good grasp of who I really am. Like most things that I do, I mostly do this simply because I want to. I will try to write a blog most weekdays. Lets get started shall we? We have a lot to cover!
I consider myself to be very versatile in most of my tastes, music, & interests ect. I have spent a considerable amount of time with all races & walks of life. Thus it has all made an imprint on who I am. Im not versatile sexually. Personally, I’m as straight as a board. However, I am completely supportive of others lifestyles, whatever they may be. Everyone should do what makes them happy in life, as long as it isn’t harmful to others. Try to spread positive vibes, not hate & negativity. I like to think that im a product of an open mind, & a tough, multicultured upbringing. I exorcise my humor often both in real life & online. I tend to agree with this quote… “All humor is rooted in pain” – Richard Pryor. I rarely intend to cause harm mentally or physically to anyone. I do fail time to time, but nowadays I try my best to be a good & positive person. This was not always so…
But enough of me trying to describe myself… Its weird & maybe even a little inaccurate. Lets move on shall we?
Well, I was born on a hot July 4th night in the small town of Decatur Texas in 1980. I imagine my small fearful Mom popping me out suddenly, due to the loud boom of a firework & the Doc catching me with a catchers mit as the world outside celebrated the 4th of July. Tiny mother, big baby. When I was born, I was told my Dad counted all of my fingers & toes, held me tight, & loved me. However, as a child, I didn’t know my Father. Out of respect for his privacy, I must leave a few details out here. My Dad parted ways with my Mom after I was born. I was far too young to remember him. I grew up not knowing him at all. I was only shown a few pictures & told very little about him. (However, I was miraculously reunited with him MANY years later.)
I had a very sweet, loving, weird, & feeble mother. Shes far from perfect, but my Mom is the sweetest, most gentile person ill probably ever know. As I grew older, I came to realise that she had both mental & physical disorders. My Grandfather did a great job as my a Father figure. He was respectable, tough, smart, & funny. As far back as I can remember, he would take me fishing & hunting. He tried to teach me how to be a good man. I always say he’s the most perfect man I’ve ever known. I was close to my Mom, my cousins, & my Grandparents in my younger years. I had a great easy little life up until I was about 7 years old or so… When my Mom married my step Dad, who lived with his family in Fort Worth Texas. DUN DUN DUUUN… So we moved from the small town of Decatur to the big city of Fort Worth Texas. I went from the typical 80s picture perfect mid/high-class white upbringing, to the many new stresses of a dirt poor low-class ghetto big city upbringing. But the stresses I would endure over the next 11 years or so of my young life would help to forge a big part of the mental fortitude that I will possess for the rest of my life. But it also created some of my brains shortcomings, darkness, & mental armors.
So my Mom decides to marry this guy that I hardly even knew. Suddenly, there I was with VERY little warning… Living in a big new strange place. Far from anyone that I had ever known other than my Mom. Family & friends were nowhere to be found. I was in a big new school full of strangers. Kids in my last school were listening to California Raisins & these kids were listening to gangster rap. Playing cops & robbers where the cops were the bad guys now. My little world had officially been flipped on its ass where I was seeing the real scary world for the first time & there was nothing I could do about it. A lot of these new kids behaved much worse than anything I had ever seen. Generally more violent & ill-tempered. Also more varied in skin color, which I didn’t even come to realise until later. My last school had a few black & hispanic kids, this one had a few white kids. Later in my Elementary years in about the 5th grade I would taste racism against me for the first time. Kids would call me white boy, treat me differently, & assume I was easy prey to pick on, & I was, at least for a while.
So there I was, living in a strange, dirty, tore up, hot, uncomfortable house with about 5 other strangers & their kids. Very little comfort to be found anywhere. No central AC & heat here folks. Hygiene & general manners were apparently not much of a thing here either. My new roomies were more ill-tempered & dirtier than what I was used to. They were generally more negative, rude, & cussed a lot. It was a tough eye-opening time of wonder, learning, & suffering. I grew up an only child, that had only lived with his Mom in comfort. Suddenly, now I’m sharing a 2 bedroom dirty house with many strangers. Complete strangers. It was cool on one hand because I had other kids to play with finally & a lot of the rules I had previously known were thrown out the window. But man, it came with more downsides than upsides. Even at a young age, I tried to be as cool as I could about the new lifestyle because my Mom seemed happy somehow. I really didn’t realize how bad things were at the time. I figured maybe most people lived this way. I later learned that no, this was a poor & unusual life.
From a small age I was taught to turn lights off, brush my teeth, wash my hands, throw my trash away, change into my bed-clothes, be in bed by 9pm, take my vitamins, Christian values, ect. Now, none of these things really existed anymore. Unless on the special occasion that I was visiting my grandparents, which I LOVED. Even though they were more strict on rules, I felt safer, & even more loved at my grandparents house. I also loved hangin out my cousin BJ, now know as Bill. My Grandparents also had AC/Heat, cable TV, good food, & money. My new accommodations in Fort Worth was quite different…
Our new house was infested with roaches, & I mean INFESTED. It smelled like roaches. They crawled all over me in the night & got all in my food. They got into our stored food a lot too. The millions of roaches covered large parts of the walls all over the house. There also had to be at least 10 dirty half feral cats running around the house & yard, complete with food stealing & loud midnight cat battles. Large rats & squirrels would run across the attic space & it was amplified so much they sounded like they weighed 10 pounds. I woke up on multiple occasions with ant trails going across my body & bed. The house was in such bad shape, animals would come up through the floor boards of the house in a few spots. The toilet was falling through the floor & NASTY. Completely permanently & corroded with shit on the inside. I swear the water out of the faucet was slightly brown. There was absolutely no AC in the intense heat of the summer other than electric fans & no heat in the Winter other than our blankets. That’s right, no heaters at all. They feared they would catch fire. We didn’t have cable tv, Hell the regular TV barely came in. We had an old rotary phone which ended up getting disconnected & we never had a house phone again after. We cooked most of our “meals” in an old dirty microwave. This was my humble abode.
A lot of my step Dads family didn’t attend any kind of school. His mother for whatever reason, didn’t allow her kids to go to school. The family was mostly illiterate & ill-tempered. His last name is literally Traylor by the way. These were the people partially in charge of taking care of me in my youth. I grew to hate my step Dad. He was an illiterate, extremely ignorant, selfish piece of shit. I don’t like him to this day. I will say, at least he never hit me or sexually abused me, but he was guilty of nearly everything else. There was a lot of mental abuse. He would tell me that I couldn’t do certain things & degrade me off & on. On occasion, when I got sick from having no heater & would have to miss a day of school, my step Dad would ground me for a month for missing school. He would usually accuse me of lying & faking… I was not.
My step Dad would regularly do shitty things to me. As an example, he grounded me once because my grandma cooked me steak & eggs for my Birthday. Everyone else ate eggs, biscuits, & sausage. He was jealous that I got steak for my birthday & so he grounded me for a month. He was completely quiet about it while we were in the house. I had no clue that I was “in trouble”. As soon as we got in the car to go home, to my surprise, he opened up yellin at me. My Mom would usually sit quietly & idly by during his fits against me. She would speak up a little if he got a little too bad or degrading. My step Dad was the first person & maybe the only person that I ever truly hated & wish would die. Not many know this, but it was so bad one night that I once picked up a knife, as a child, & I wanted to shove it into his throat as he slept. I had changed from an innocent & happy child to such a stressed out & troubled kid. But even as stressed & as desperate as I was, I couldn’t bring myself murder in cold blood of course. I think these extreme conditions taught me some discipline & self-control at a young age.
So after about a year or less, my step Dads side of the family did move out of the house leaving only me, my mom, & my step Dad to live there. I was happy about this. I didn’t have to sleep in a bed in the hallway anymore. I actually had my own room again. I loved it, even if the toilet was on the other side of the wall from my pillow & I could hear my step Dads explosive shits through the thin walls all hours of the night.
Well that concludes my very first blog about my life. Please check back soon. I have soooo much more to tell!